With wit and raking intelligence far higher than his head Tyrion Lannister is by far our favourite Game of Thrones character. If we were going to go for a big night out with someone from the Seven Kingdoms firstly we’d want someone whose not shy at the bar (“A Lannister always pays for his round.”), it would be handy if he is good with the ladies so will make a decent wingman, plus he’d need to know how to have an epic night out.
And when it comes to good times the Imp really knows how to party. Tyrion, played by the brilliant Peter Dinklage, along with his right hand man Bronn (have you spotted that he’s actually Jerome Flynn, one half of Robson & Jerome?), has also delivered all our favourite lines from GoT so far.
The best Tyrion Lannister Quotes
- It’s not easy being drunk all the time. Everyone would do it if it were easy.
- Those are brave men knocking at our door. Let’s go kill them!
- Shaggar: How would you like to die, Tyrion, son of Tywin?
Tyrion: In my own bed, at the age of 80, with a belly full of wine and a girls mouth around my c*ck.
- Lord Varys: I’ve always hated the bells. They ring for horror. A dead king, a city under siege…
Tyrion Lannister: A wedding.
- Tyrion: And how do a bear’s balls taste?
Yoren: A bit chewy. What about you, milord. What’s the strangest thing you’ve eaten?
Tyrion: Do Dornish girls count?
- The Lord of Light wants his enemies burnt. The Drowned God wants his enemies drowned. Why are all the gods such vicious c**ts? Where is the god of tits and wine?
- What do you want Bronn? Gold? Women? Golden women?
- (Talking about a battle axe)
Bronn: Do you know how to use that?
Tyrion: I chopped wood once. No, actually, I watched my brother chop wood.
- Where do I begin, my lords and ladies? I am a vile man, I confess it. My crimes and sins are beyond counting. I have lied and cheated, gambled and whored. I’m not particularly good at violence, but I’m good at convincing others to do violence for me. You want specifics, I suppose. When I was seven, I saw a servant girl bathing in the river. I stole her robe and she was forced to return to the castle naked and in tears. I closed my eyes, but I could still see her tits bouncing. When I was 10, I stuffed my uncle’s boots with goat shit. When confronted with my crime, I blamed a squire. Poor boy was flogged, and I escaped justice. When I was 12 I milked my eel into a pot of turtle stew. I flogged the one-eyed snake, I skinned my sausage. I made the bald man cry into the turtle stew, which I believe my sister ate. At least I hope she did.
- (Giving family heritage)
Tyrion: And here we have Bronn, son of…
Bronn: You wouldn’t know him.
- Drinking and lust, no man can match me in these things. I am the god of tits and wine.
- Jon: I don’t know who my mother was.
Tyrion: Some woman, no doubt. Most of them are.
- Give me priests who are fat and corrupt and cynical, the sort who like to sit on soft satin cushions, nibble sweetmeats, and diddle little boys. It’s the ones who believe in gods who make the trouble.