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Wedding Speech Writer

Easy to use online speech writing system...

Grab a stag do bargain, awesome packages starting from £45pp stag deals >

We've teamed up with our friends at SimplytheBestMan to build a Wedding Speech Writer System for best men looking to find the perfect words to cut the groom down to size.

Help from the pros...

The system has been written by comedy writers who have written for stand-ups, radio and TV. With specially crafted speech jokes you can be sure of finding loads of unique and original best man jokes that everyone won't have heard before.

Jokes about...

  • Your speech nerves
  • The groom's dancing
  • His job
  • His hair (!?!)
  • His hobbies
  • His sporting prowess
  • His fashion sense
  • His (terrible) sense of humour
  • His school years
  • Drinking
  • Best man speech ice breakers
  • And more...

28 days' access for just £9.99

It's as easy as that.

How It Works...

speech builder

Once you've logged in a step by step guide will walk you through each phase of your speech from funny opening lines through to the standing ovation for a job well done. And it's available for just £9.99.

  • Over 4,000 best man speech icebreakers, jokes and quotes
  • Hilarious lines to roast the groom
  • Spoof school reports
  • Fake messages from imaginary well wishers
  • Funny but completely pointless words of advice

Once you log in...

  • You'll find your own individual speech page
  • You can then work through each phase of your speech
  • You'll find dozens of options for each part of your speech
  • Simply click on a joke or quote you want to use and they'll appear in your template
  • You can edit your best man speech as you go adding names, dates or other details
  • Once you have worked through all the phases, you can save the speech to finish later or give it a final edit before printing it out.
“Joseph Joubert once said “Only choose in marriage a man whom you would choose as a friend if he were a woman.” And I don’t think it’s that far a stretch to imagine Ian as a woman. In fact I sometimes find it difficult to remember he’s actually a man.”

Get access to our best man speech system now...

How to write a best man's speech

28 Day Access...

You'll get 28 days* access to the entire database of jokes, quotes and killer lines which cover every aspect of the wedding.

Introductions - Best man speech icebreakers and funny opening lines to get your speech off to a great start.

Jokes - To make sure everyone is an equal target;

  • The groom
  • The best man
  • The bride
  • Bridesmaids
  • Siblings
  • Grandparents
  • Wedding preparations
  • Honeymoon
  • The wedding meal
  • The groom's dancing
  • His job
  • Ushers
  • Father of the bride
  • Stag do
  • Hen party
  • His hair (!?!)
  • His hobbies
  • His fashion sense
  • His (terrible) sense of humour
  • Drinking
  • Speech nerves
  • And more…


"Clever words what was written by clever people about clever stuff." - Quotes about love, romance, weddings, brides, grooms, friends, marriage and more from the likes of Billy Connolly, Michael McIntyre, Shakespeare and other great minds.

Words of Wisdom

Hilarious but utterly useless words of advice for the groom to prepare him for married life.

A Truly Brilliant Speech

Want to make sure the groom gets a real comedy roast in front of all his nearest and dearest? With a little help you can be sure to give him a thoroughly uncomfortable time with gags written by experienced comedy writers.

Help from the pros

Many guys say giving a wedding speech is one of the most nerve-racking things they've done but with a little help from the experts you can be sure you'll deliver a brilliant best man's speech of epic comedy proportions.

Earn congratulations from your mates for the best, best man's speech they've ever heard.
Be inundated with free drinks from the wedding guests who laughed all the way through your speech.

Have your pick of the bridesmaids (unless they're all a bit scary, in which case... Run you crazy fool!!).

Icebreaker Top Tips...

While for 70’s flare wearing, chocolate smooth love gods Hot Chocolate, “It started with a kiss...”, for a great speech it starts with a laugh. If you only need a few jokes for your speech then make sure they’re the early ones and some easy, effortlessly funny best man speech icebreakers.

You might be a bit nervous about your best man speech, that’s only natural. Getting started with an early gag will help you relax and reassure your audience that they’re in good hands for the next 7 – 10 minutes.

But being effortlessly funny isn’t easy. Our system is packed with great best man icebreakers to get you that early laugh (at the groom’s expense, natch) and set you on your way to giving the groom the no holds barred, comedy roast he deserves (it’s what he would’ve wanted).

Best Man Speech Icebreakers

Good afternoon ladies, gentlemen, boys and girls and those of you who just turned up as you heard that [Groom] might finally be about to buy a round of drinks.

It’s been a great day but every silver lining has a cloud and today that comes in the form of this speech. I spent hours trying to write a funny best man speech and have to admit I failed so I bought one off the internet instead. I haven’t read it yet so I hope it’s a good one...
Good afternoon and welcome to Reggie and Tiffany’s wedding.

Before I get started I would just like to say if you think my speech is bad things could be worse, you could’ve just married [Groom].

“When they told me they were getting married I have to admit that I was a little perplexed as to what exactly Lisa sees in Mike. So I just came out with it and asked her and she said the biggest reason is he makes her laugh. But I still have no idea what she sees in him when he’s got his clothes on.”

For just £9.99 you’re just one click away from a brilliant wedding speech. Too many speeches are let down by using the same old jokes everyone has heard at countless weddings before. Our brilliant system is written by a team of great comedy writers that you won’t find anywhere else so you can be sure you'll deliver a great and memorable speech that really will leave everyone in stitches (and then leave the groom wishing he'd asked someone else to be his best man!).

Get access to our best man speech system now...

*The 28 days run consecutively. For example if you sign in to the system on the 1st of the month your access will end on the 29th.

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