It’s that time of year again, gentlemen. The time of year when grown men and grown women buy large stuffed animals for one another, it’s suddenly necessary to share chocolate-based desserts from the same plate (why can’t we just have our own!?) and most terrifying of all, ladies across the land are plagued with bouts of itchiness in the ring finger department… Help the lovely lady in your life to keep this unfortunate ailment at bay for as long as possible and take a break from the usual rushed offering of petrol station carnations and a lame card with our fantastic guide to the most unusual valentines day gifts around! From the soppy and romantic to the silly and downright hilarious, there’s something unique to suit even the most demanding of missuses.
1. Speak the language of love
Figure that your girl doesn’t hear enough of you, despite her constant pleas for you to stop prattling on, relaying quality banter or excellent knock knock jokes? This loud, bright and proud voice recorder ensures that you can leave adoring messages (or more knock knock jokes) for her, even when you’re not at home! Genius.
2. Sweet like chocolate
If you want to play it safe, chocolate is a good bet. These days though, a box of Terry’s All Gold isn’t going to cut it. how about serving up your leading lady a healthy dose of choc with an adoring personalised message on the wrapper? Beat that Mr. Cadbury!
3. Poster boy
Suggested for those girls with a healthy sense of humour, this snarky poster is a fun sideways glance at the recent trend for erotic literature. If your significant other only has eyes for Mr. Grey, show her that you’re witty and spontaneous too – with a full spread of fifty different grey paint swatches! Hot.
4. It’s a piece of cake
Every girl loves chocolate, every girl loves cake. This fantastic present combines the two and you’ll have a real, live, fresh-baked chocolate cake in no time, just by adding a little water.
5. Shredded sheets
When you want to be at the top of your game, chocolate Weetos just aren’t going to cut it. Treat yourself to a sack of aphrodisiac cereal which is specially formulated to improve your performance. It’s a present for you, and for her!
6. Pasta passion
Another sickeningly sweet gift, metre long ‘lover’s spaghetti’ is specially designed to bring you and your girl together in a totally saucy lip-locking embrace. And probably a ruined shirt or bolognese in the eye in the process.
7. Can I get your digits?
If you and your girlfriend aren’t afraid of sharing a little nerdy love, this gift is just right for you. Order up a mathematical representation of your love story and just wait for your crush to shower you with affection – only once your algebra homework is done though, of course.
8. Getting corny
Chocolate’s nice but this strawberry, white chocolate and caramel popcorn is sure to get you top marks in the sweet treat department. Gourmet popcorn will really appeal to a foodie – just make sure you don’t make the delivery too corny.
9. Put it on the map
This quirky gift will really show your Mrs that you’ve been paying attention. Encapsulate the scene of your meeting, first date, wedding or honeymoon in a heart. It looks really stylish on your walls and she’ll love the thought you put in.
10. Hold the phone
Got a girl who’s always glued to her smartphone? Remind her how awesome her boyfriend is every time she takes a selfie, calls her mum or tweets about her lunch with a personalised phone case. A funky design is made up of all her favourite things – just be sure to include your name in nice big letters there too!