You’ve been cold turkey for far too long. You’ve scoured every inch of news coverage trying to get a glimpse of the movers and shakers of the transfer market. So far all your team have bought is a completely unheard of 17yr old Bosnian “wonderkid” and a new magic sponge.
Without your regular fix of football fixtures you’ve had the shakes, cold sweats (usually on Saturdays, around the time MOTD should be starting) and you’ve even resorted to watching the Women’s World Cup (which to be fair, at times was been brilliant with the Lionesses out performing ‘Woy’s Boys).
But as the Season slowly inches agonisingly closer just how do football addicts get the boot wearing Monkey off their back? Here’s StagWeb’s Guide to coping until the new season kicks off.
28 Days to Go
Get Creative – Create your own football sticker album. Forget glossy, well taken photos and peelable adhesive backs, all you need is card, crayons, double sided tape and way too much time on your hands. Convince your mates to do the same thing and you can start doing swapsies and have no one talk to you in the pub. Ever again.
25 Days to Go
Get Physical – With your pub team’s season also kicking off soon it’s time for pre-season training. Shorts on, ready to run you’ll just watch the end of the Day’s highlights from Wimbledon. Maybe tomorrow. Yes, definitely going for a run tomorrow.
21 Days to Go
Bubble Football – This is exactly what you need, plenty of laughs and a great kick-about. Bubble Football (or ‘Extreme Football’) is a full-blooded, never surrender sport and possibly the most hilarious piece of footballing genius since Kevin Keegan thought to himself “I wonder what I’d look like with a perm…?” Read more…
18 Days to Go
Get Physical – Right, time to get into shape. TV off, training gear on, you’re out the door… down the end of the street… Eye of the tiger… You’re a winner… You can do this… Oh look, there’s the pub and the guys are in the beer garden… You should probably take on some fluids if you’re going for a run. Yes definitely. You need to stay hydrated so just a quick one and then you’ll continue the run. Honest.
14 Days to Go
Get Edumacated – Head to the National Football Museum. This superb museum and font of footballing knowledge is an absolute must for football fans and a great way to learn the history of the game. Plus rumour has it, somewhere in its dusty store rooms the museum has a copy of Gary Lineker’s original bad pun notepad he uses for all his MOTD closing lines.
24 Days to Go
Foot Golf – Weekends were made for sport and while you’ve tried to find replacement, frisby, volleyball, golf just haven’t done it for you. How about a round of Foot Golf? This sporting hybrid takes two of the world’s greatest games and merges them into one awesome new sporting challenge. Read more…
10 Days to Go
1966 – It’s worrying to think that there are Englishmen out there who’ve never watched the Three Lions’ greatest ever game. If you’ve never watched the 1966 World Cup Final between England and Germany, then get down to your local DVD shop and get yourself a copy before we send the boys round to revoke your Man Card.
Spoiler Alert – England don’t lose on penalties.
7 Days to Go
Get Physical – This is your last weekend to start that long overdue pre-season training. Thankfully your mates, a stack of pizzas, a fridge full of cold beers and a box set marathon are only a phone call away before you go and do anything too rash.
6 Days to Go
Knit Your Own Scarf – Well they do say knitting is extremely therapeutic. This could be the one thing that stops your footballing withdrawal symptoms reaching fever pitch and you going the full Suaraz.
5 Days to Go
Foot Pool – If you’ve been filling the void in your life with trips to the pub then, you’ve probably spent some time with a pool cue in your hands as a football surrogate. Don’t let your time on the green baize go completely to waste, challenge your mates to a game of Foot Pool.
4 Days to Go
Blow Stuff Up – By this stage things are getting tough and you really need to let off steam. Even going for a run and getting in shape isn’t going to scratch that itch anymore… You need to blow sh*t up! When the going gets tough, the tough get extreme. Zombie Survival Training won’t just take your mind off things and prepare you for the coming apocalypse, you’ll also get to shoot semi-automatic weapons, fire crossbows, and shoot at exploding targets! Read more…
3 Days to Go
Get Physical – Your body has become a temple to a summer spent drinking beer in the sun and eating fish and chips on the beach. Tonight is the night. No matter what you’re going for that ru… Hold up, there’s a documentary about living legend John Motson on TV tonight? You’re not going anywhere!
2 Days to Go
Stock Up – Soccer AM, Football Focus, Soccer Saturday (why do Sky insist on trying to make it sound American? Soon all their presenters will have to take first names like Jim-Bob, Chad and Chuck Jr the Third), Match of the Day, Match of the Day Two, Match of the Day Extra, The Championship…. It’s time to make sure you’ve got adequate provisions in the fridge, you don’t want to have to leave the house this weekend.
1 Day to Go
After weeks of mistreatment it’s time to get that sofa back into shape ready for the season ahead. Hoover underneath, check to see if there’s anything growing under the cushion (oh hello! Two pound coins, your first attempt at the Wayne Rooney football sticker and half a sherbet Dib-Dab, result!), line up the screen and furniture to precision and change the batteries in the remote control. Time to get in the zone!