How To Get Married And Live To Tell The Tale


As the wedding date draws closer, so the nerves for most grooms increase, it’s not just the matter of making it through the wedding day, it’s that whole ‘being married for the rest of your natural life!’ bit that scares the wedding ring out of most blokes.

So we thought it was time to gather advice from those who have made it up the aisle and lived to tell the tale. So retreat to your man cave, grab a cold beer, sit back and discover that actually, getting hitched isn’t quite as terrifying as you think (unless you’re marrying Katie Price, in which case it probably is).

Thank you to all our experts for their great tips and advice.

billy connolly quotes

Wedding Speech Builder

wedding speech

What your wife says vs what she means…

“Tina has bought a new car/bag/cooker.”
I want a new car/bag/cooker.

“Does my ass look big in this?”
Tell me I look skinny or I’ll kill you in while you sleep!

This is so far away from fine but I’m going to stew on it for a few days then bring it up at the least appropriate moment.

“Do you want to go shopping at the weekend?”
We’re going shopping at the weekend.

“Oh just do what you want.”
We both know you’ll have to do what I’m saying eventually.

“You don’t need to go spending money on my birthday.”
I have a mental list of things I want, if you can’t guess them all its proof that you just don’t care!

The Wedding Speech Builder is a complete online groom’s speech system with over 4,000 wedding speech jokes, quotes and icebreakers. Find great jokes to fire at your best man before he lets rip at you!

frank sinatra quote



  • A woman won’t start an argument with a man who is cleaning.
  • Don’t ever laugh at your wife’s choices… you’re one of them!
  • When you’re wrong (which is most of the time) admit you are wrong.
  • When you’re right, keep your mouth shut.
  • Always marry for love, not lust.
  • If at first you don’t succeed – try doing it the way your wife told you!

No groom is complete without a killer ‘whistle’ for his big day, Slaters tailored suits are striking, eye-catching wears to impress the wedding guests and most importantly, the beautiful bride-to-be.

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Oh So Perfect

oh so perfect

‘Chaps, let me share with you 3 essential sentences you need to be ready to say when planning a wedding:

  • “Yes, those flowers look lovely! I’ve always said, the more roses the merrier!”
  • “You’re absolutely right, the guests will definitely notice the… (insert minor wedding detail as appropriate)”
  • “Of course the lads won’t mind wearing pink ties, sweetie. We love wearing pink.”

…and one sentence you really should avoid:

  • “Babe, you’d look beautiful if you wore a bin bag.”

Believe me, she does not want to hear that line when she’s just spent £3k on ‘the’ perfect white dress!

But on a serious note, it is important that you play a part in planning your wedding day. It’s your day too, and your bride-to-be won’t want to end up sounding like Bridezilla, so do at least show a little bit of interest in the details when she asks you. She’ll be over the moon to know you’re getting involved in the day too!’

Samantha Imbimbo of Oh So Perfect is a bonafide expert on all things wedding being one of the UK’s Top UK Wedding Planners as picked by GoHen.

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Bespoke Creations

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David Flatman



Finding your style for the big day…

1. The Style – Keep things classic. Think about silver-screen legends like Cary Grant – a neat side parting always looks good.
2. The Cut – Get your hair cut one week before. By then it’s had time to settle but it’ll still look neat.
3. The Skin – Prepare your skin in advance by having a facial a week before. Weddings can be a nervous time!
4. The Shave – Talk to your barber to decide what’s best. You don’t want to have a rash at the altar, but you also won’t want a 5 o’ clock shadow at the reception.
5. The Barber – Discuss the plan with your barber. Along with his wife-to-be, one of the most important relationships in a man’s life should be with his grooming guru.

Men’s grooming aficionados Murdock London know exactly what it takes for a man to look razor sharp to keep the lady in your life happy. Their barbering and skincare products will keep you fresh on the big day and beyond.

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Right Guard

Swagger & Swoon

swagge and swoon

1) Things are never “fine”. If she says everything’s fine, you’re in trouble!
2) Hide your chocolate! Nothing epitomises “what’s yours is mine” quite like scoffing all your chocolate the minute you think it’s safe.
3) All housework is to be shared. Except for putting the bins out. That will always be your job.
4) Don’t think that now you’re married you only need to remember your anniversary. Learn the date you first met, your first date, where you went, everything. You will be tested on this later!
5) “Yes, dear” might seem like a convenient way to answer everything your wife says without having to pay attention. Use it at your peril, you never know what you might have signed up for…

Swagger & Swoon have some seriously cool ties, cravats and pocket squares to add the finishing touch on the big day. There are styles ranging from the crisp and classic to colourful paisley designs for a trendy groom-to-be.

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T.M. Lewin

The Gents Pack

gents pack

1. Impress her on the wedding night with some decent undies from The Gents Pack. And try to sober up towards the end of the party so you can show them off before collapsing.
2. She’ll tell you that she doesn’t care either way, but try and get down the gym every once in a while and don’t have a kebab EVERY time you go down the pub. It’ll pay off!
3. Make sure those “you look great!” comments are always as convincing as possible. Everyone likes to hear something nice! And hey, it’s probably true, right?
4. Buy her flowers. Lots of flowers… Unless she doesn’t like flowers.
5. Probably the most important: Don’t let her find out about what happened on the stag! (StagWeb can help with that).

We all appreciate it when the missus breaks out her sexy lingerie and there’s no reason why you shouldn’t make the effort for her as well. Stay looking good with The Gents Pack to ensure ‘a little less conversation and a little more action‘.

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Jacks of London

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The Invisible Edge

invisible edge

1. Don’t live in each other’s pockets
2. Be careful about routines, once you’ve put the rubbish out a few times you’ll be the one who does it for the rest of your life!
3. There’s a lot to the old adage “least said, soonest mended”
4. Sometimes, you have to lose an argument even when you’re in the right

Keep your good looks after the honeymoon with a straight-edge razor from The Invisible Edge. A classic shaving experience that even James Bond would approve of.

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Thatcher’s Cider

winston churchill

Your Norfolk Wedding

1. For marital bliss remember your wife is always right!
2. Never forget your anniversary!

Emily Andrew of Your Norfolk Wedding has helped set hundreds of new Mr & Mrs on their way and is one of the country’s leading wedding planners.

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