If you’re going on a stag weekend or more crucially you’re the best man, there is the awkward issue of wanting to display some level of emotion and good will with the groom without actually having to do anything weird… like using words or showing emotion. In a modern world there are certain sentiments you may genuinely wish to convey to the groom;
A. Congratulate him on actually growing up
B. Congratulate him on finding the perfect woman to share the future with
C. Congratulate him on finding a woman actually willing to put up with him
D. Tell him he’s a great bloke/friend/brother
E. Wish him happiness for the future
In man speak all that is usually distilled down into;
“Here ya go mate, I got you a pint.”
But what if there was another way? What if you could really show your mate how much he means to you without having to do anything stupid like use words (and any man discussing feelings at a stag weekend should instantly have his man-card removed and be sent to join the hen party!)?
Well you can.
How to Show the Groom Some Man-Love
A good stag prank is kind of like a man-hug without the need to touch (except for high fives among the conspirators). A good prank is a thing of beauty, something that should be captured on film to let the groom know that you all love him and have evidence you’re willing to use against him in the future.
Nothing says “I love you man” quite like getting inked in a friend’s honour. It’s a primal mixture of tribal markings, pain, alcohol and stupidity. Because let’s face it, the best time to get a tattoo is when you’ve both had far too much to drink and are already making bad decisions. If you can find a drunk tattoo artist, then it really is win/win.
It’s classic ‘man-love’, stitching a friend up in the worst way possible to show how much you hold him in high esteem. A good dare-master will create some epic challenges so all the guys can share the pain while making sure the groom is singled out for particular ridicule and discomfort (those age old signs of respect amongst the brotherhood).
If you want to tell your girlfriend you love her you buy her flowers, tickets to Paris, a ring. If you want to tell your friend you love him, you buy him alcohol. A pint (or a short drink if he’s a bit metrosexual) is the standard salute, if it’s a special occasion it’s acceptable to give a bottle, even a limited edition brew but as soon as you start getting anything personalised you’re into girly territory, put the glue gun down and step away from the hip flask.
5. Get Him a Lap Dance
Hugging, it’s all a bit too continental for your taste, from hugging it’s a slippery slope towards kissing men on the cheek. Then where would we be? France!
Nope, if you think he’s in need of physical contact then either wait until you’re playing football and can take him out and make him look a tit or take him to a gentleman’s club where you can arrange for someone far prettier so you can look at hers.
6. Make Him Look Good
There are several ways to make someone look good; You can sing their praises, you can fix the outcome, or you can dress them up in fancy dress. This is our preferred method and potentially the more psychologically damaging for him.
7. Dress in His Honour
Get all the guys dressed to mark his special occasion. T-shirts are an easy option, you can add some fun slogans (all the guys in “We’re with stupid” T-shirts and an “I am stupid” T-shirt for the groom) or the most embarrassing photo of the groom printed onto the shirts is another fitting tribute.
8. Make Him a Winner
Whatever sporting challenge you’re lining up for your stag weekend make sure you stack the odds in his favour so he feels like a winner (for once).