Well it’s here. 2018 turned up ready to party as you were still trying to usher a drunken 2017 out the door. Ah 2017, she promised so much, she was the year you were going to get fit, cut down on the beer and fags, finish that movie script, get a six-pack, meet a supermodel…
Yep, fail, fail, fail. Sure, your intentions were good but then somebody gave you that Walking Dead box set for Christmas and before you knew it you were midway through April, a stone heavier and on first-name-terms with your Dominos delivery guy.
Shhh, it’s done. No looking back, no guilt, no one can ever take that family bucket/Godfather marathon away from you. But 2018 is here and it’s time to kick ass!
Ok 2018, let’s do this!
Peaky Blinder – Three Peaks Challenge
Do the three peaks challenge and climb not one, not two, but all three of the UK’s tallest mountains in just 24 hours. Cue montage of you struggling uphill to the Rocky training theme “Gonna fly now…”.
On Ya Bike! – Lands End to John O’Groats
From point to point it’s a 900 mile, pedal powered push from the Southernly to the most Northernly points on the British mainland. You can have all your rooms booked in advance, all with great pub grub. Well there’s no point slumming it.
Couldn’t organise… – A Piss Up In A Brewery
They said you couldn’t do it, well you’ll show them! While other men are promising to get fitter, smarter, wealthier, you’re going to get drunker. You’re going to bring the legend to life and organise a piss up in a brewery. Yes, it can be done, food, music, dancing and of course lots and lots of beer.
Mount Up! – Climb Mount Kilimanjaro
5,895 metres of total man quest. New Year resolutions don’t get much bigger than this (unless you’re a West Brom fan in which case you’ve been dreaming the impossible for years). 10 days, 9 nights, camping under the stars and feeling like a god.
Hit the Road – Take a road trip
Route 66 – Possibly the most famous road in the good ole US of A, this is perhaps the most famous road trip of them all. Even more famous than the A47 Norwich bypass.
Grand Tour – Unleash your inner Clarkson in this hilarious motorised quest. Four days, three countries, one crazy adventure.
Maximus Blokeius – Become a Gladiator
When in Rome, drop by this totally authentic feeling gladiator school where you will dress as gladiators and learn how to fight like slave warriors. “…and I will have a Big Mac, in this rest break or the next.”
Tucker Up – Do a Bush Tucker Trial
Get the guys together to see who will man up and who will wimp out. There are 212 hideous bugs to chow down on, from the passable chocolate coated crickets and chilli fried Mexican grasshoppers to the truly hideous giant waterbugs. Plus they’re low in fat and high in protein so good for all your other resolutions too.
Going Underground – Cycle in a Cave
Hell yeah! Get totally subterranean on a 5-kilometre trek through an abandoned mine, so it’s not just a great physical challenge, you can also live out your Scooby Doo fantasies. You would’ve gotten away with it too if it hadn’t been for those meddlin’ kids and pesky dawg.
Cupid Stunt – Become a Stuntman
If you’re in love with action movies, then this is most definitely the challenge for your 2018. You’ll train under the guidance of a World Record breaking stuntman who has worked in blockbuster Hollywood movies. You’ll even get to film your own stunt sequence.
Wreck It Ralph – Wreck a Car
There are two good ways to wreck a car;
The sledgehammer approach – You’ll be given a sledgehammer and invited to just ‘have at it’ as you beat the living cr*p out of four wheels of sadness.
The hard road – A genuine demolition derby where you and your friends will race stock cars in a full contact battle. Game on!
You Ledge! – Play With a Premier League Legend
A chance to live out all your boyhood dreams as you play alongside a former Premier League footballer. It could be the closest you’ll ever get to scoring that winning goal at Wembley. The footballing legend will hang around after the match to share a pint and a few footballing stories.
Lock ‘n’ Load – Shoot an AK47
It’s one of the most infamous weapons of all time and also one of the most powerful. You can get your itchy trigger fingers on some serious heavy metal and re-enact some of your favourite tough guy movies. “Yippee kay-aye mother-hugger.”
Get Ready to Rumble – Become a Wrestler
Step aside Ant & Dec, this is a real battle royal. You and your mates can learn moves, throws, holds and falls from a former professional wrestler. At the end of the session you’ll all pile into the ring for a, yes you guessed it, Battle Royal.
Shut up and eat up! – Man vs Food
Some fools decide their New Year will be all about getting fit. Yeah, good luck with that. But realists have already accepted that this year is all about getting ‘fat’. And here’s how you get started, with a giant pile of food and a set time to get it down ya. “Biiiiiiite!”
Food Fight – La Tomatina
Eating food is good, but throwing it can be even better. And this isn’t just any food tiff, this is the biggest food fight in the world, over 130 tonnes of tomatoes being flung by 20,000 people, taking over an entire Spanish town. Although you could be left a little red in the face…. Geddit? Red in the face! No. We’ll get our coat.
Fight Club – Shoot a Fight Scene
Enter the location of one of the most iconic filming locations in Game of Thrones, Winterfell, home of the Stark family. You’ll shoot archery in the castle, drink beer, eat roast pig, visit other locations and film your own scene. “Valar morghulis.”
Become a Rock God – Record a song
You’ve been dreaming of rocking out a life on the stage, ever since you first heard your sister’s S-Club greatest hits album. Well now you can get a bit Oasish and have a go at recording one of their songs in a real recording studio.
Long Way Down – Cliff Jumping
It’s like taking a long walk off a short cliff. You’ll have an experienced instructor beside you as you navigate the most perilous and testing way to get from A to B, taking on waves, cliffs, rock pools and big drops.