Being the best man… Piece of (heavily boozed up) cake right? Seriously, how hard can it be? All you need to do is get the groom to the church, don’t lose the rings, give the greatest best man’s speech of all time (you can already hear the standing ovation and calls for your own show at the Edinburgh Festival) then have your wicked way with the bridesmaid of your choice.
While we hate to burst your bubble there’s actually a little more to it than that so here is our…
Best Man Guide to Not Ruining the Wedding
Get the groom to the church
This can actually be a little trickier than it seems.
- Not just any church, it has to be the right church (we learned that one the hard way).
- On time and sober.
- If he’s also wearing matching socks, you’ll will indeed be “Spanking this best man malarkey!”.
- Do a recce before the big day, make sure you’re aware if there are any roadworks planned that could mess up the day.
- Check the engine, oil, water etc. He doesn’t want to arrive in an AA van.
- Make a Wedding Road Trip Play List (Billy Idol, White Wedding, etc) to make the journey more memorable.
Give an epic speech
Get your wedding speech right and its free drinks all night and your pick of the bridesmaids. Get it wrong and you could find yourself forcibly removed from the reception by the bride’s four angry brothers. Don’t mention his ex-girlfriends, what he really did on his gap year and never ever mention the stag do.
- Make sure you practise your speech over and over again. The more familiar it is, the easier it will be
- Get extra help, this Speech Writer App has over 4,000 new and original wedding speech jokes and quotes to help you give the groom a proper comedy roast.
- Don’t swear. This really isn’t the ****ing time and the ****ing place.
OK everybody calm the **** down. We know how horrible the idea of staying sober for the whole day and evening is but…
- The groom has enough on his plate, stay sober and be the buffer that stops the venue staff or suppliers bothering him.
- Your speech will be a little more coherent (and probably less blue).
- Once the meal is over you can then let your hair down and your cup runneth over.
- Try to avoid drinking alcohol. That should do the trick.
It is one of the most stressful days of a person’s life and while the bride-to-be will have a massive support network to turn to when things get tough, the groom only has… well you. Stay in regular contact and be there as and when he needs you.
Groom Management Tips
- Arrange regular ‘wedding research fact finding machines’ for the groom which you can hold in his local pub.
Be the (best) man!
On the day take charge or help out where needed.
- Make sure all the ushers know their roles.
- Help any young ushers from getting nervous/over excited.
- Crowd control for the photographer trying to find the right people for the right shots.
Ha ha ha that just sounds wrong.
So there you have it. Everything you need to know about how to be the best man and not ruin the wedding. Good luck and be awesome.