Most male friendships are built on a healthy diet of casual insults (that may or may not involve “your mum”), sports trivia and movie quotes. The stag do is perhaps the most male of male weekends so to go in unprepared is social suicide. So, while we can’t arm you with jokes to stick it to your best mate’s mum (insert ‘stick it to her’ joke here), we can give you some of the greatest movie quotes ready for the big weekend. “You talkin’ to me?!?”
On the paintball battlefield…
“I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. And I’m all out of bubblegum.” – They Live
“Yippee-kay-aye motherf*cker!” – Die Hard
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Nice shootin’ Tex.” – Ghostbusters
“You’re a disease and I’m the cure.” – Cobra
“I ain’t got time to bleed.” – Predator
“You see in this world there’s two kinds of people my friend; those with loaded guns and those who dig. You dig.” – The Good, The Bad, The Ugly
To inspire your paintball team…
“As Mr. Sloan always says, there is no “I” in team, but there is an “I” in pie. And there’s an “I” in meat pie. Anagram of meat is team… I don’t know what he’s talking about.” – Shaun of the Dead
“To crush your enemies, see them driven before you and to hear the lamentation of their women.” – Conan the Barbarian
Walking out of the hotel room bathroom you’re sharing.
“I love the smell of napalm in the morning.” – Apocalypse Now
Collecting the stag do drinking kitty…
“Show me the money.” – Jerry Maguire
At the quad bike centre…
“Roads? Where we’re going we don’t need roads.” – Back to the future
Lining up on the go kart track…
“I feel the need, the need for speed.” – Top Gun
At that Eastern European shooting range…
“AK-47 – the very best there is. When you absolutely got to kill every motherfucker in the room, accept no substitutes.” – Jackie Brown
In an Escape Room…
“I’m not locked in here with you. You’re locked in here with me.” – Watchmen
Any stag weekend activity that involves either holding a gun or walking away dramatically…
“Hasta la vista, baby.” – T2 Judgement Day
Any stag activity that results in pain…
“Just a flesh wound.” – Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Taking the first step on the pub crawl…
“To infinity and beyond.” – Toy Story
Waking up so drunk you can actually here daylight…
“I see dead people…” – Sixth Sense
As the groom unzips in the pub men’s room…
“Say hello to my little friend.” – Scarface
Walking into a strip club…
“Let’s put a smile on that face.” – The Dark Knight
Picking the groom’s cousin off the floor on the way home…
“I’m sorry to wake you, Mr. Frodo. We have to be moving on.” – Lord of the Rings
In the restaurant…
Waiter – “How would you like your steaks cooked?”
Pepper – “Oh, just knock it’s horns off, wipe its nasty ass and chunk it right here on this plate.” – Cowboy Way
