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17 Things Every Best Man Should Know

Ok, so secretly you knew it all along, but it’s still nice to hear your mate/brother/cousin publicly acknowledging that you’re the better man. Of course, the downside is you’re now part of the whole wedding thing. Like, you have an actual role, and responsibilities. Yeah, you thought it was just a free dinner and a weekend in Prague. Strap in while we hit you with our knowledge hammer.

  • 1Are you ever likely to make the groom your best man one day? If so just remember while writing your speech that payback is a bitch.
  • 2Trying to organise a group of guys on a stag do is like herding kittens. Through a wool shop. During a black out. While wearing goggles... You get the idea.
  • 3You are required to dance with the chief bridesmaid. Even if she does look like King Kong's less attractive sister. Play nicely or the bride will hurt you.
  • 4Do anything to the groom that might jeopardise the wedding photos and the bride will hurt you.
  • 5Make any jokes about the bridesmaids' outfits and the bride will hurt you.
  • 6Anger the bride in any way so she takes it out on the groom and the groom will hurt you.
  • 7As best man, there are a lot of ways to end up with someone wanting to hurt you. Kind of wish you were a bridesmaid instead?
  • 8Not all stag dos are created equal. It is your job as best man to make sure this one is truly legen(wait for it)dary. You the man!
  • 9Getting the groom to the wedding is not a good time to try a new shortcut across town.
  • 10The groom will have stressful time, surrounded by women, napkins, wedding flowers and other things he doesn't understand. Arranging special 'fact finding' missions to the pub could be invaluable.
  • 11During the stag do remember, nothing good ever followed the words "Hold my beer and watch this!"
  • 12When you hit the dance floor at the wedding reception, despite what the vodka is telling you, those aren't the correct lyrics and you haven't just become a brilliant dancer.
  • 13Your wedding speech is not a good time to tell the 'hilarious' story of "The groom and the uninvited prostitutes". What is funny down the pub late on a Friday night might not tickle his Granny (no that isn't a euphemism).
  • 14If a bridesmaid ever says "Honestly, does this make me look a bit..." Don't look, don't answer, don't even breathe, just run. Whatever you say will be wrong and held against you. By ALL the bridesmaids.
  • 15If your partner says "Honestly, does this make me look a bit..." You might as well just emigrate now.
  • 16If the bride decides the groom's party should be wearing cerise suits do not under any circumstances question her, this close to the wedding, she's likely to blow! (what colour is 'cerise' anyway?)
  • 17Have fun. Too many guys worry so much about the speech that they forget to take the time to smell the carnations. Take a deep breath, relax and enjoy the day. You'll be great!

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